There once was a church that decided the best way to celebrate Mother’s Day was to invite the pastor’s wife to preach the sermon and to include other women as worship leaders.

I might point out that primary proponent of this idea was the pastor. He thought it was a grand idea—what better way to honor the mother of his children than asking her to preach on Mother’s Day? Why not, indeed? She could tack on sermon preparation to her already busy week, and he could enjoy a Sunday off in appreciation for all her work.

There’s just no escaping patriarchalism. To be clear: this was not a good idea. There is nothing wrong with inviting a clergy spouse to preach. If all parties are agreeable, it’s a great idea. In fact, a church would benefit from hearing the wisdom and insights of a clergy spouse. But not on Mother’s Day. Or Father’s Day, for that matter. It’s a bit like asking mom to make a special dinner she can enjoy while you sit on the couch watching golf.

Churches have a complicated relationship with Mother’s Day. It still ranks as one of the best attended Sundays of the year, even in a culture where church attendance continues waning. But preachers, both male and female, resist yielding Sunday morning to cultural holidays. Congregations do not get residuals from greeting card companies, they reason, so why should we participate in a day loaded with saccharine sentimentalism?

Added to that are the realities of family life. Not all parents are created equal. Some are abusive, absent, or dangerous. Families experience emotional cutoffs and distancing, making it impossible for them to celebrate. Others see Mother’s Day as a painful reminder of something withheld to them by infertility or circumstance.

Not long ago, my children could send Mother’s Day cards to both of their grandmothers. But that has changed in the past two years. Our hearts are still grieving, and while my kids cherish their own mother, the day seems different.

All of this poses a conundrum to pastors and worship leaders. Do we fall in line with the Mother’s Day parade? Do we ignore it completely? It’s a balancing act, and a reminder that ministry is always more of an art than science.

Julia Ward Howe

Diana Butler Bass, a contemporary Christian writer, historian and thought leader, provides a helpful perspective by examining Mother’s Day theological roots. It turns out that Mother’s Day is rooted more in pacificism and political than greeting cards. Long before Mother’s Day was recognized as a holiday, abolitionist poet Julia Ward Howe, best known for “The Battle Hymn of the Republic,” wrote “A Mother’s Day Proclamation” in 1870.

More than a call to carnations, Howe’s words call us to renewed visions of peace and faithfulness:

Arise then…women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
“We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs.”
From the voice of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: “Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.”
Blood does not wipe our dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace…
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God –
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.